Inside Jay Dean’s Brain

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1.  wet cold football weather for tonight….yuck….tyler and his warner monarchs go to langford roslyn tonight, so it’s a road trip in the rain….if you’re going to the game, i’ll be the one in the “washington redskins” rain poncho….

2.  i strongly encourage you to be at dr. darold opp’s office saturday morning starting at 9:00 as we hand out free tickets to see ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS november 1st at the johnson fine arts center…the only way to get these free tickets is to be at dr. opp’s office from 9-11 saturday morning……dr. darold opp does incredibly wonderful things for the children in this region, and alvin and the chipmunks will only be the beginning…..

3.  if i was elizabeth hasselbeck on “the view”, i would get up, punch the other women in the face, tell them they suck, flip them off, and walk off the set…….

4.  a couple of friends of mine recently were talking about celebrity women who can look incredibly beautiful one moment and entirely skanky the next….among those talked about were sheryl crow, gwen stafani, and joan jett….hey, they can’t all be as wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy and stunning as olivia newton john…..

5.  my very talented wife, who by far is the best fixxer upper in our household, changed a couple of light switches last weekend…i’m so proud of her…i don’t like electricity…in fact, i’m scared to death of it….i’ve been leary of it ever since i put a wet rag into an outlet when i was in fifth grade…i was trying to clean the grease out of a plug in on our stove….the rag stuck in it, and laid there with little charges going thru it…the worst part was, i had to grab it again to pull it out……

6.  GAS PRICES BELOW THREE DOLLARS A GALLON…isn’t it nice how oil companies have us trained like monkeys, so that when gas prices drop we practically go out in the streets and celebrate…….i’m tired of “the man” sticking it to us….

7.  i was at pierson ford yesterday, sat in a chair, and ripped my pants in the back around the pocket…nice, huh?  but the worst ever was when i worked at the chrysler center.  i had ripped the entire back section of my pants from my butt to thigh, and nobody told me…the guys thought it would be funny for me to walk around like that for a while…finally, the nice girls in the office told me that my fanny was showing…..then it was a very quick trip to j.c. penney…..

8.  montana elementary school students started rabies shots because a parent let them touch a dead bat…..touching a dead bat, huh?  then shouldn’t all of the minnesota twins players get rabies shots?

9.  a restraunt in tokyo, japan has two trained monkeys who are working as waiters…big deal…we have that too…only we call it “the morning party on sunny 97-7″.

10.  JOKE OF THE DAY….two ducks got married and headed to their hotel suite for their honeymoon…upon arrival they started getting intimate with each other and realized that they didn’t have any protection with…so the male duck runs downstairs to the front desk and asks if they have anything…the lady behind the desk said, “yes, we do, would you like them put on your bill?”  the duck said, “hell no, i’d suffocate.”  HA HA

that’s all for now…have a glorious weekend…

jay dean

CLEAR BLUE RETREAT ON SOUTH MAIN STREET BRINGS YOU MY DAILY BLOG FOR TODAY…HERE’S AN IDEA…WHY NOT STOP BY THERE TODAY AND BUY YOUR OLD BUDDY JAY DEAN A HOT TUB……WHAT A SUPERB IDEA…..

1.  it’s official….aberdeen’s own taylor mehlhaff is now a new orleans saint.  taylor will do his first kicking of his nfl career this sunday when the saints host the oakland raiders.  thank goodness that i have the nfl package….i get to watch the game sunday…..(in between watching my redskins manhandle st. louis)

2. well, well, well…..all of the “professional prognosticators” in the american news have all decided to pick the redskins this sunday….sure it’s against lowly st. louis, but it took six weeks for all of the panel to all pick the skins to win….welcome aboard the redskins express, kids….

3.  there’s an article in the american news today dealing with the fact that we all have a really good chance of hitting a deer.  i almost got mine last night coming home from hecla.  i’m suprised i didn’t make minced meat of his rear end……i don’t think i would have killed him, but i certainly would have caused major major pain to his butt.

4.  tonight is your last night to see “ghost town” at carmike cinema 9 theaters…jeannie and i really liked this movie.  it’s a comedy with a dash of romance.  if you’re looking for a decent movie for tonight, hurry and see “ghost town”.

5.  i was in a “country mood” going to hecla last night…i was blaring music from ‘george jones’, ‘vern gosdin’, ‘merle haggard’ and others…..i don’t like today’s country, but I LOVE the classic stuff….my favorite all time singer in country music is hank williams, sr…..i listened to him yesterday as well…..my favorite hank song?  “mansion on a hill.”

6.  speaking of hank, my former brother in law and i have this morbid contest going on which one of us will get to see hank williams sr. in concert first……hank, of course, died back in 1953…..when i had some problems with my health about five years ago, i told wayne that i had the tickets bought, but didn’t see the show…..we are so sick……

7.  i love when cara romeo comes in wednesday morning for her “library” report at 8:20am….you should see behind the scenes…we laugh until we’re blue in the face…she would make an excellent co-host of my show…

8.  a woman in hampshire, england, beat 200 million to one odds by becoming pregnant with triplets while she was on “the pill”.  ummmm, she does know that the pill is not a suppository, doesn’t she?

9.  the original “mr. clean”, house peters has died at the age of 92….the memorial service was very emotional…there wasn’t a dry floor in the house.

10.  JOKE OF THE DAY……two really old guys were sitting on a bench across the street from a flower show that was going on.  the first guys says, “i am so darn bored that i think for ten bucks i will take off all of my clothes and run thru the flower show.”  the second guy said, “you’re on”, and handed the man a ten dollar bill.  so, the old guy takes off all of his clothes and runs thru the show.  about 15 minutes later he returns and his buddy asks him how things went in there.  the guy said, “well, just fine…in fact, i won first place for best dried arrangement.”  HA HA

HERE ARE THE TOP TEN THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY AT A FUNERAL….

10.  “did i know the deceased?  of CORPSE i did.”

9.  “hey, i think he’s moving….ha ha…just kidding.”

8.  “not to cause panic or anything, but i think somethings leaking out of the casket.”

7.  “you know they had to touch up the body, because the shark still has one of his legs.”

6.  “don’t look now fred, but the deceased has the same suit on as you.”

5.  “hey, we’re with publishers clearing house, and we’re looking for….umm…never mind.”

4.  “when did he die?  really?  HEY BOB, YOU WON THE POOL…”

3.  “nice service…where’s the keg?”

2.  “he looks natural, but those shoes do not go with his dress.”

and the number one thing you should never say at a funeral….

1.  “GEEZ, WHAT DIED IN HERE?”

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1.  i predicted it yesterday on our football picks….taylor mehlhaff is headed to new orleans to become a new orleans saint!!!!  this is incredible news for taylor and it sounds like he’ll be kicking in this sunday’s game against the oakland raiders.  i think i speak for everyone up here in saying “good luck taylor”.  expect to see “mehlhaff” saints jerseys all over the place sometime soon.

2.  we had major computer problems in our home this weekend, and yesterday i was standing talking to bruce at harmony music in the lakewood mall, when i noticed a computer torn apart on the floor.  i asked him who was working on the computer and he said that his son mark, who also works in the store, was trained to work on computers.  needless to say, we had him down last night and the guy was incredible.  he even downloaded some computer protection that he found for free….trust me, anything free is good for me…(hey that rhymes)

3.  if you want to see my face turn red and my blood pressure go up, just watch me watching the news channels at night during this presidential season.  remember the good ole days when news people were IMPARTIAL?  you never ever knew which candidate walter cronkite was voting for.  these “morons” need to take some lessons from the good ole news guys like walter cronkite, david brinkley, roger mudd, john chancellor and others.

4.  speaking of news shows, the most rude and insensative host on tv?  bill o’reilly.  he continuously cuts people off mid sentence, and heaven forbid if you have a different view than he has.  i really do love his show, but i can’t watch anymore due to his manners.

5.  i heard yesterday that gas was down to $2.99 in fargo?  what the hell is wrong in this area?  do we need to start protesting?

6.  owners of new york city’s “S AND M” clubs say that business is down 70 percent.  the staffs of these places would like to do something about it, but their hands are tied……

7.  madonna announced on stage recently that sarah palin is not welcome at her concerts….gee madonna, i’m sure that broke her heart….here’s some advice for you madonna….SHUT UP AND SING….i’m so very very tired of these singers and actors spouting off their political views on stage and tv.  if i pay 50 dollars to see a good singer, i want to hear the music and get away from the political crap.  concerts are supposed to relax us and get us away from reality…plus, i don’t give a rip what other people’s political views are.

8.  police in minnesota detained a man for TWO MONTHS on charges of cocaine possesion.  then they found out recently that the ‘cocaine” was actually DEODORANT….IT TOOK TWO MONTHS TO FIND THIS OUT?  if that were me, there would be a lawsuit in the works…plus i’d send a case of “old spice” deodorant to the police chief.

9.  JOKE OF THE DAY….a young boy comes running down the street looking for a policeman and when he finds one he says, “come to the bar with me, my father’s in a fight.”  sure enough, the policeman walks into the bar and two guys are really really fighting, smashing each other, throwing chairs at each other and beating the crap out of each other.  after a few minutes the cop manages to break things up, and then turns to the boy and says, “now young man, which one is your father?”  the boy responds, “i don’t know officer, that’s what they were fighting about!!!”   ha ha

10.  another presidential debate was held last night in nashville…tempers were flaring, accusations were flying…..it was kind of like the male version of “the view.”

HAPPY WEDNESDAY EVERYONE…BE GOOD TO EACH OTHER…

jay dean

don’t forget, you can get a hold of me anytime with comments, questions, or whatever…just e-mail me at:

jaydean@hubcityradio.com

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1.  my  beautiful wife usually yells at the boys when they are chasing each other in the house, but sunday night she instigated a wrestling match between tyler and mitchell.  i’m not kidding you, it sounded like two buffalo running thru our house…..they were banging off the walls, slamming into doors, and piling on each other all in good fun….it sure brought back memories of when i used to kick my brother troy’s butt when we were kids….well, that’s the way i remember it anyway…ha ha

2.  speaking of sunday night, the boys and i watched, by far, the funniest “family guy” ever….until it took a turn for the worse at the end….the beginning was very funny, with peter singing “surfin’ bird” by the trashmen over and over and over…it was crazy…but then the show, in my opinion, took a turn for the crapper when it was about Jesus coming back and working at a record shop, and partying with the hollywood types….i know it’s a comedy, but i just don’t find that stuff funny. it’s too bad they ruined such a funny episode with that junk.

3.  the warner girl’s volleyball team plays langford roslyn in langford tonight.  i find it kind of cool having my boys go back to my high school for the game tonight.  hopefully my former teachers and administrators keep the “jay stories” to a minimum tonight.  ha ha

4.  i pulled a good one at the lakewood mall yesterday…i was walking out of the mall, looking at the automatic opening door…not in line for it, but just looking at it…and then BOOM, i walked into my door, thinking it was the electric door.  then i turned around to see if anyone saw me, and quickly bolted to my car….

5.  we watched the vikings game last night in new orleans, in which THE VIKINGS WON A GAME…. tyler and i watched with enthusiasm, because we’re all going to be in new orleans next summer at the superdome for a lutheran youth gathering.  i have visited new orleans before, and it’s a super fun place to be.  however, being it’s a church group, we probably won’t be going to EVERY STOP we made a few years back. 

6.  nbc news sent a reporter to vietnam to verify john mccain’s torture claims….and now barack obama is claiming torture too, because he’s a chicago cubs fan……

7.  in colorado, a mesa state football player ordered his doctor to amputate his injured finger so he could continue to play football….he should just be thankful it wasn’t a groin injury….

8.  JOKE OF THE DAY….ole was pretty sure that his wife lena was having an affair, so one day he came home early from work to find his wife completely naked in their bedroom….when ole asked her what the heck was going on, lena stated that she just didn’t have anything to wear, and couldn’t decide what to put on….ole shouted at her, “you have got to be kidding, your closet is full of clothes…look at all the dresses….one dress, two dresses, three dresses, hi sven, four dresses, five dresses………….

9.  did you see the video of the three girls on “the view” attacking elizabeth hasselbeck because of her political views?  i don’t know how the hell she can stay on that show….i think i would end up getting out of my chair, and popping whoopi goldberg right in the kisser….man, i hate that show….

10.  actor david duchovny is now out of treatment for his “sexual addiction.”  i wonder how that’s going to work coming out of rehab and then going in to film your show “californication” which deals with his character having a sexual obsession.

THAT’S ALL FOR NOW….  HAVE A SUPERB TUESDAY…

jay dean

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1.  jeannie and i saw a really good movie this weekend.  we went to “ghost town” starring ricky gervais and greg kinnear.  it was really entertaining…..funny throughout and romantic in a couple of parts.  if you want a movie where you can just relax and not think about things, then ‘ghost town’ is for you.

2.  jeannie and i attended our brother in law’s birthday party saturday night at wild oats in aberdeen, and while we were there, some younger kid grabbed the candy machine by the door, picked it up, and walked out with it.  they did catch him and had him bring it back in, but man oh man, did that bring back memories of the stupid stuff we did when we were 18-21 years old. 

3.  HOW ABOUT THOSE REDSKINS?  after going into dallas and beating the cowboys, my skins went into philadelphia and bet the eagles yesterday.  what really makes me mad is now all the ’sports anchors’ are talking “powerhouse”, “elite team”, “best team in football”, crap like that.  it’s only two wins…yes we are 4-1, but my redskins have proved in the past that they can turn and spiral downwards quickly.

4.  for some reason, direct tv is giving us free showtime for a couple of months, so friday night i camped downstairs and watched showtime.  we normally don’t get, it so i watched a couple of critically acclaimed shows.  i really liked “californication” starring david duchovny.  the show is quite sexually oriented, but it’s a really good show.  the show “weed” didn’t do much for me.  but it did make me grab some munchies after the show was over.

5.  last night i watched an hour of ‘wkrp in cincinnati’ on one of the tv stations.  as i have mentioned before, that show is the reason i am on the radio right now.  that is one of the rare shows that has held up the test of time, and it’s ridiculous how the show is just like real radio.  in fact, i can tell you which employees here correspond to what characters on the show.  i COULD tell you, but i WON’T because it could really tork off some of my fellow employees here…..ha ha

6.  JOKE OF THE DAY…i told this one in church yesterday in hecla…..a church secretary answered the phone at the church one day and the woman on the other side of the line said, “yes, can i speak to the head hog of the trough?”  the church secretary said, “maam, we do not refer to our pastor as “the head hog”, we have nothing but respect and reverence toward him and we call him “pastor.”  the lady on the phone said, “oh, that’s too bad, i was calling up to donate $250,000 dollars to your church.”  there was a long pause on the line and the secretary responds, “hang on maam, i think i see the old pig coming down the hall right now.”  ha ha

7.  o.j. simpson was found guilty on all charges in his las vegas debacle months ago…the ironic thing is, that he was found guilty on the 13th anniversary of being found innocent of murder.  somewhere nichole brown simpson and ronald goldman are smiling.  what have we learned from o.j.simpson?  it’s okay to murder people, but don’t steal football cards.

8.  playboy magazine is looking for women to do a feature called “the women of wall street.”  maybe they should look on the ledges of tall buildings.  actually this is good timing, as these women have probably lost their shirts already anyway.

9.  police in florida are looking for a robber who stole 160 bras from victoria’s secret.  police say that this “boob” is still on the loose, and they are doing thier breast, ummm. i mean best to catch this crook.  i should quit while i was behind.

THAT’S ALL FOR NOW…HAPPY MONDAY…

jay dean

i just wanted to invite you all to give me comments on the things i write on my blog…we would love to post your comments on here and make it fun for everyone…you just need to become a member of the listener’s club, get a cool name and a password and you’re ready to come on in and have fun….

you can also e-mail me at:

jaydean@hubcityradio.com

i appreciate you folks as listeners and as friends, and would love to communicate with you via these two options.

take care,

jay dean

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1.  my thought for the day……if i am picked up for speeding, will showing a little cleavage get me out of the ticket?

2.  the vice presidential debate was held last night, here’s my impression of the night….joe biden came across as a stuffy politician, sarah palin came across as a college party girl from norway…her accent was just about killing me…ha ha

3.  tyler and mitchell had some friends over last night as they played “guitar hero” or whatever it is they have.  they invited me to sing a couple of songs, so i sang “ramblin’ man” by the allman brothers and “rock’n me baby” by the steve miller band.  does this make me cool again with the kids?  probably not….

4.  redskins vs. eagles this weekend…go skins….i hope that our quarterback jason campbell can continue his streak of not throwing an interception or having a fumble all of this season.  that’s a truly amazing feat.

5.  all of us guys are in mourning today…the movie “the women” left last night at carmike….i did pretty well, i escaped seeing “the women” and “sex in the city”….now if i can get by without seeing “nights in rodanthe”, it will be a clean sweep.

6.  police in seattle are looking for a man who robbed a bank, and escaped with the money by floating down a river in an inner tube…no kidding…the guy is considered armed and extremely mellow and relaxed.

7.  thought for the day:

when i was younger i hated going to weddings.  it seemed that all my aunts and grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs, and say “you’re next.”  they stopped doing that after i started doing the same thing to them at funerals!!!!!

8.  rocker steve miller of “the steve miller band” turns 65 ON SUNDAY…..that’s crazy….i guess his big hit “rock-n me baby” is now about a rocking chair.

9.  joke of the day:

a little girl is crying and digging a hole in her backyard when a neighbor guy looks over the fence and says “what you doing there, honey?”  the little girl said, “burying my goldfish.”  the neighbor guy says “really?  well, why such a big deep hole?”  the little girl looked at him with a stern look and said “BECAUSE, HE’S IN YOUR CAT.”

10.  you know what sucks?  getting older means that you no longer look at the younger girls…now we think their moms are hot…..

THAT’S ALL FOR NOW…ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND, SEE YOU BACK HERE MONDAY…

jay dean

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1.  the vice presidential debate is tonight, and people in the media are saying it’s the biggest debate in the history of debates….i have no doubt that it’s big, but THE BIGGEST EVER?  we’ve become such a society where everything is “the biggest” “the best ever”….every single sports game, tv show, whatever, is “history breaking” “the funniest ever”  the “best game in the history of the sport.”  we need to relax and realize that things can be “mediocre” and still be good.  not everything is going to be the best in the history of mankind.

2.  speaking of the vice presidential debates, a new survey at bikini.com says that 61 percent of those polled would rather see SARAH PALIN in a bikini, rather than pamela anderson….WOW….i would LOVE to see sarah in a bikini, but not over pamela anderson….sorry, but i’m still a red blooded american man.

3.  guess who i got behind this morning?  mr. “TEN MILES AN HOUR, I DON’T WANT TO GET TO WORK” guy…..maybe i need to take a different route to work so i don’t blow a vein in my brain.

4.  dr. darold opp and hub city radio are going to have an incredible FREE event for kids coming up next month…we’ll have details next week, and you’ll need to be ready to drive and get your free tickets….listen to the morning party early next week for details…..

5.  HOUGHTON SOUTH DAKOTA…COYOTE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD…ha ha ha….i don’t know if i mentioned this already or not, but i saw two or three dead coyotes on the road near houghton in the last two weeks…..i’ve never even seen a coyote up close before, so this was quite a shock…..i kept looking for dead giraffe’s and penguins, too, but didn’t see any.

6.  when i was a kid, i saw a high school kid ride a bike off the big diving board at the britton swimming pool.  let’s just say that when he hit the water, the bike stayed on top of the water for a few seconds, causing a couple of parts of his body to come smashing down on the seat….poor guy couldn’t walk for quite a while.

7.  the deep south is suffering from a gas shortage, in fact, abandoned cars are littering highways all over redneck country…oh wait, that’s their backyards……

8.  HERE’S YOUR JOKE OF THE DAY:

this father comes home after a long long business trip, and finds his 6 year old son riding around on a brand new bike…the father said to the boy, “son, where did you get that new bike, it must have cost three hundred dollars.”  the boy said ,” dad, i got this bike from hiking.”  his dad said, “son, there’s no way you went hiking and raised that kind of money, now tell me the truth, where did you get the money?”  and the boy said, “well, when you were gone, the mailman came to see mom, and he would give me a twenty dollar bill and tell me to take a hike!!!!  ha ha ha ha

9.  a new report says that some breakfast cereals are HALF SUGAR…no kidding…that’s why we liked them as kids….remember some of these cereals?

quisp

king vitamin

alphabits

pink panther flakes

crispy critters

jets

kaboom (clown on the front)

mister muscle

quake

sir grapefellow

banana frosted flakes (gross)

THAT’S ALL FOR NOW…HAPPY THURSDAY…

jay dean